When You are Refined by Change
Tears began to form as I hung up the phone. My husband had called to let me know he would be working late again. I love my children, but I needed a break, they needed their dad and I desperately needed him home. I was 25 when I began praying a seemingly innocent prayer earnestly seeking God with a few simple requests: a new church, a new house and a new job for my husband. Even as I prayed, I was creating my own plan of how it should look. This prayer forever changed the trajectory of my life.
Have you ever prayed a prayer that brought significant change to your life?
Before we go any further I have a confession: I hate change! It’s a nasty five letter word that I dislike, or at least I used to. You see, I used to be a control freak. I was the type of person who had plans for the backup plans. If something was going to happen or go wrong with the original plan, I had another plan. I needed to be able to control the situation and change just didn’t fit in my vocabulary and if it did, it was never in a good way.
I’ve heard it said that frustration is a catalyst for change and I’ve learned it’s true. Frustration was the driving force behind my prayers back then. I wanted change, truly I did, but I wanted it my way, in my time and fitting into my plan. That is until God in His sovereignty decided it was time I needed refining and change was the vehicle He was going to use to bring it about.
Have you ever wanted something to change in your life, but then when it did, it wasn’t at all how you had pictured it?
Yes, God answered all three of my prayers at once, however, it wasn’t exactly in the way I had planned. His plan involved change in every area of my life. His plan involved moving us out of state from all our family, friends and everything I had ever known. What was God thinking? In spite of getting my prayers answered I was seriously angry at God. His plan left me feeling under pressure, discomfort and out of control. His plan required me trusting and becoming dependent upon Him. His plan seemed too difficult and I wanted to run.
John Maxwell says, “Change is inevitable, growth is optional.” It took two years for me to fully surrendered to the change and refining process God was inviting me to. I now know that change is the process God uses to refine us.
O Lord, we have passed through your fire;
like precious metal made pure,
you’ve proved us, perfected us, and made us holy. (Psalm 66:10 TPT)
God invites us to go through the refiner’s fire, not for His sake, but for ours. When something is refined it is to make it better by removing the flaws and imperfections. God’s refiners fire will pull out the impurities in our lives. His refining fire may seem difficult and painful, but it’s really meant to soften the hard places in our lives, so we become more like Him. It’s through the refiner’s fire that God’s power and sovereignty is displayed. He brings our imperfections and weaknesses to the surface and we become stronger once they are dealt with, healed and removed.
For me, the last twenty-five years and counting has been filled with seasons of constant change and refining. Not all bad, but all necessary!
A little over five years ago, my husband and I said “yes” to pastoring a local church. The minute we said “yes” was the minute “change” in every area of our life began again. If I began to list everything out for you, it would easily fill up several pages, but that isn’t the point.
As I look back at the last twenty-five years, and even the last five, I am not the same person I was then. His refining fire has changed me, shaped me and molded me into a vessel that can display His glory to others.
I will continue to submit to the refining process God wants me to walk through, because I know I will come out the others side with less flaws and imperfections and I will be made more holy.
The refiner’s fire and process of change in my life hasn’t always been pleasant, but it has been pivotal to my success moving forward and being obedient to the call of God on my life.
Is God inviting you to be refined by change?
If so, don’t resist, but submit. Submit to the refining process and allow Him to make you more pure and holy.
Debbie Kitterman is a natural born encourager who is on fire for God. She is passionate about equipping individuals to go deeper in their relationship with God, reach their God-potential and claim their Kingdom inheritance. Debbie is an author, pastor, speaker and the founder of “Dare2Hear,” ministry and d2htraining.com. Her writing and teachings inspire faith and build bridges for people to expect the impossible. Her book, The Gift of Prophetic Encouragement: Hearing the Words of God for Others, released August 21, 2018 with Chosen Books. Follow Debbie Kitterman here:Blog :: Facebook :: Twitter :: Instagram :: Pinterest :: FB Ministry Page :: LinkedIn :: Google+:: YouTube
The Refined Series
Fire refines. First God, breaks our pride into tiny pieces. Then, He melts away our impurities in a crucible of affliction. Every fleck of fleshy fluff rises to the surface and is removed until we reveal His image.
This year, I want to stop fearing the fire and pray:
Lord, refine me through the flame.
For 2018, I asked God to give me a word to guide my year, and He whispered the word “Refine.” For 10 months, Bruce and I have been walking through the fire and trying to not resist the refining work He is doing in us.
I am a very slow learner, and recently it occurred to me I should step aside and create more space to listen and learn during this season. I long to sit down for a heart-to-heart chat with a wise friend who will remind me the fire has a grander purpose. Thankfully, I am blessed to know several women who’ve walked through the fire and emerged beautifully refined, and I’ve invited them to share their story here with the Wildfire Faith Community once a month.
God has promised that the fire will not consume us, but transform us.
Sign up today as a member of the Wildfire Faith Community and grab a copy of the Refined Manifesto our Faith Fuel Library.
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Here you will find fuel for a wildfire faith to help you
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Lyli – Thank you for the honor of guest posting and kicking off the Refined series for you here at Faith On Fire. Blessings 🙂
Yay! Debbie, this was such a good word to start our series! Thank you, again!!!!
Wonderful post to start off this series, Debbie & Lyli! I am not a fan of change either. But more that change being pivotal to my success, I have discovered it is pivotal to my life having purpose and bringing Him glory. Without the changes He has brought about, I would have missed the great joy He has brought in serving Him. It may not be “success” as defined by the world but in my heart of hearts, I know it is success by His standard. Thank you for reminding us all to not resist change, but submit to Him. Blessings to you both!
Joanne – Thank you so much and you are most welcome 🙂 It took me awhile to discover that not all change was bad, and that it is key to my success according to the standards of the Kingdom. Oh how I wish I would have learned it sooner and not later in life. Blessings
Yes, His definition of success does not always match mine… and I often need to adjust. Thanks for pointing that out, Joanne!
“Is God inviting you to be refined by change?”
Hmmm. Inviting? Interesting word 🙂
It is quite possible that is exactly what God is doing; I just don’t care for the envelope He sent!
Seriously though, thank you for your transparency and wisdom, Debbie. I am encouraged by your post.
Charla – I know, When I wrote it, I stopped and had a few moments to ponder the way I had always thought about change too – never had I thought about it being an invitation. LOL – perspective does change things doesn’t it. 🙂
Also, thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking time to read the post today. You are most welcome for the transparency, I am blessed you were encouraged by the post today.
Ha! Yes, we do have to actually open that invitation to get going, right? 🙂
So great to hear from you, Debbie.
And, Lyli, I always enjoy the visit here.
Thank you so very much Michele.
Oh Debbie, how I can relate to this story.. let me count thy ways! Change is pivotal to growth. I believe this to be true, and yet it can be SO hard!! I’m praying for change in my husbands job right now. Eek. It’s always a little scary when we know our God answers prayer, but not always in the way we want Him to.
Thank you for the reminder and the encouragement. Refining is a forever process!
Rachel, I am praying for you as you pray for change with your husbands job right now! And yes, it can be a little scary can’t it. You are most welcome for the reminders and also hopefully a testimony of God working things out perfectly even if in the short term, we don’t see it. Blessings
Rachel, praying for you and your man tonight. HUGS
Reminds me of the sound Refiners Fire.
All I have to say is Amen.
Thanks Nylse! Amen and Amen!
Love that sweet song! XO
I always looked forward to change (except the stress of the actual move) when we gathered new orders for the Navy. But now that we’re out, I crave the expected and usual–not change. Spiritually, that’s a dangerous place to sit. The one constant in life is change. Guess it’s time to trust God and get with the show. Thanks for sharing your space, Lyli. Debbie, enjoyed and found encouragement in your words today. Thank you both.
Thank you so much Kristi! I can se how the season of life could affect how you looked at change. It totally makes sense. You are right, not wanting to change spiritually can be a dangerous place to sit too long at though. Thanks for sharing your thoughts too 🙂 Blessings
Confession: I really hate change.
Jesus help me.
As I walk through the fire right now, I know God is growing me in ways I cannot imagine. I want to be near to Him and learn as I take each step with Him. I feel so very blessed. Glad I read this. I am not done walking THROUGH this fire, but I am not going around, under, or over…I am going through. Thank you.
Linda, you are most welcome. and thank you….your perspective and outlook as you are in the midst of walking through the fire right now is remarkable. It attests to your faith and trust in God. I know walking through the refiners fire isn’t always easy or pleasant, but I love oyur attitude. Keep pressing onward and inward 🙂 Thank you for taking time to read my post today and sharing your were you are at. Blessings
Praying for you, sweet Linda xo
I am now praying some of those same prayers you prayed 25 years ago. Thanks for the encouragement. laurensparks.net
You are most welcome Lauren! I pray my testimony of how things turned out will be an encouragement to you as you continue to pray for some of the same things. Blessings
Excellent, Deb – God answers and then I go, “What??” All of growth is good and refining is a mercy. Speaking on it all weekend and I’m sure God has lots to say to me. Blessings on your generous heart. xx
Thank you Sue! Have a wonderful time this weekend as you speak and minister to others. Blessings.
“Lord, change me” is a prayer I’ve been focusing on lately, and man is it uncomfortable! I so relate to this series!
Yes, it is Elizabeth! The prayer of “Change me” is an uncomfortable one, but also one that in the end will allow God permission to change us in to who we need to be to do what He has planned for us. I am so glad that you can relate to this series. I am looking forward to reading the ones others will write as well. Blessings 🙂
Such a great post on change. God has a way of saying “yes” to us but not in the way we imagined. Thank you for hosting Debbie, Lyli.
Thank you Mary! You are so right, God does have a way of doing things unlike what we imagine 🙂 Blessings
God knows the best way to get me is to take away my ability to take care of things myself. Be that change or pain or … I’ve learned to love change – mostly. Unless it’s something I really have my heart set on. Then I walk through that refining fire. Thanks for sharing your own struggles with it, and hope that it gets easier the more we surrender.
Wow, Jessica! I love your perspective. I am slow learner, and this is a way He gets my attention as well.