The Weekly Friendship Check In
On Monday after the stormy winds had blown on by, the phone started to ring.
Friends were “checking in” to make sure we were okay. I am happy to report that everybody here at Casa Dunbar is in one piece. We didn’t even lose power at our house, and we spent the day inside playing SkipBo, watching movies, and eating all the hurricane snacks.
When a weather disaster wakes us up, we tend to remember how precious life really is. I reached out to my cousins (who I only see these days when there is a family funeral), and I did a careful review of my phone contacts after the hurricane to ensure I had not forgotten to check in on anyone. I wanted to make sure everyone was safe, and if anyone needed a place to land, we invited them to our house as we pulled all the food out of the freezer for a hodge podge potluck meal on the fly.
Yes, we love your dog and your children and your dirty laundry. I heard myself say this on the phone to more than one friend. Come on over now. The door’s open.
As I sit here in bed typing this tonight, I wonder why we wait until the roof almost comes off our house to show up for people. I want to be the one who picks up the phone on a sunny day as well as when it rains. I want to be that friend who remembers birthdays and calls to see how you survived your week…. because Mondays are sometimes just as hard as hurricanes.
For the last year, my husband and I have been working with a mentor. Craig encouraged us to pray about what areas in our life we value and want to set as a priority to invest time in cultivating. I chose friendship — because I can’t make it through without my praying friends… and because I think Jesus modeled for us the importance of developing intimate friendships.
Maybe like me, you long to be a better friend, but you just never find time to pick up the phone and call, and then weeks go by before you see someone. I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore. So, here is what I did: I invited my friends to sign up for my weekly check in. On Fridays, I do a short video on my iPhone sharing a high and low for my week, and I text it to several friends. I am also using a wonderful video walkie talkie app called Marco Polo to connect with several friends for this purpose, and one of my friends and I do a daily Marco Polo for accountability where we read the same passage of Scripture and share 1 takeaway.
So, here is my challenge to you: Pray about how you will be a more intentional friend on regular sunny days. Maybe you want to do a weekly check in with a couple of friends. You don’t have to go crazy and do a video like me, but maybe you could send an e-mail or text if that is easier. I personally love the video format because it’s more personal, and my friends who are young moms can watch it at any time. Plus, I hate typing long e-mails!
5 Tips for the Weekly Friendship Check In
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Keep it short
If I am texting, I keep the videos under 1 minute. If I am doing a Marco Polo, I shoot for under 5 minutes. The point is to check in, but not to gobble up a big chunk of your friend’s time.
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Keep it simple
Use the format that best works for you and your friend. I love Marco Polo, but not all of my friends wanted to download the app, so I am texting with a few friends, and I am using Voxer and What’s App with a friend or two who preferred that medium.
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Keep it consistent
You need to check in once a week — unless you actually see that person or meet for coffee (which is even better, but won’t happen as regularly). If my Friday’s are very busy, I will sometimes do the check in on Saturday or Sunday. But, I do a check in once a week without fail.
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Keep it positive
The check in is not for whining or for venting. It’s for sharing life and keeping in touch. It’s for encouraging one another. It’s for upholding one another in prayer.
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Keep it private
If a friend responds to your weekly check in, what she shares is private and should not be broadcasted to others. I do use the same initial video for several friends, but I respond to each individually. I don’t send the video in a group text unless all of the friends on the text are very comfortable with one another and prefer the group format.
Okay, my friends, this Friday blog post is really my weekly check in with you — my readers. It’s my joy to share with you here in this space. I hope you will let me know in the comments how I may pray for you. It’s late here in Florida, and my hubby is happily snoring in bed beside me as I type this. I am exhausted after a long week of fighting the storm, but I wanted to take a few minutes to let you know that y0u are important to me.
How are you doing? You can leave a comment, or if you are subscriber, just reply to the e-mail in your inbox.
Be blessed, friends. I am thankful for you. Thanks for checking in with me here every week.
Challenge: Take 5 minutes this Friday to make an intentional investment in friendship.
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Because Mondays can be as hard as hurricanes!! LOL Love this post! So glad you were spared the brunt of the storm! Blessings!
Liz, so glad you were encouraged by this! We are counting our blessings here on the East coast.
Lyli, I am so thankful for your suggestions today. The high-low sounds so do-able. I have been frustrated lately on how to stay connected to friends, and I think you just gave me the key. Many thanks!
Yay! That makes me happy, Sarah. I love that at the end of the year I will have made 52 intentional deposits into the friendship account. I know it’s going to reap big benefits.
Lyli, such a good post. Thank you for pushing us all to be intentional in our friendships. May we not let life get so busy that we all don’t check up on those who may be in need of a check-up 🙂 And friend, you truly lead by example so may I say, thank you for being you!
Thanks for checking up on me regularly, Joanne. Your friendship is such a blessing to me!! xo
Thank you for the tips on how to stay connected with friends! These are some great suggestions. I just discovered your link up today and I’m going to add it to my Friday Link-Ups. Thank you!
Such encouraging, practical advice, Lyli!
I know that community is super important to you, Kristin. Love how your small group is being intentional about serving in your neck of the woods. If we lived closer, we’d totally want to join your happy family. 🙂
What a great idea, Lyli! Life has a way of sweeping friends to the back. In a fast-paced world, it takes intentionality like this. Love this!
I’m also so glad you weren’t affected by the storms!
Yay! I am glad that this resonated with you , Esther. Thanks for joining us here today.
Glad you’re safe. My people are as well.
Thank you, Lord.
Thanks for the valuable suggestions, Lyli. This is one (among many) areas in my life where I sadly lack commitment and intention. I tend to chalk it up to being flaming introvert, yet get lonely with no real friends. I am going to try this.
So glad you and Bruce came through the hurricane unscathed. Prayer works wonders. Hugs.
xoxo
I am thankful for you, Jennifer. You can check in with me any time. xo
I’m so glad that everyone is safe in your neck of the woods. I love this idea of a weekly friendship check-in. I often go weeks and weeks without talking to friends on a deeper level, to be honest. It seems like most of my friendships are somewhat one-sided, with me being the one to contact first. Do you have advice for how to approach friendships like that for a weekly friendship check-in?
Hi, Rosanna,
I would encourage you to pick one really important friend who you want to stay more connected with. Schedule a time to meet for coffee or lunch, and then share your heart on this subject and let her know you will be checking in once a week. — Then, start doing it weekly . — Here’s the thing though… I don’t always get a response from my friends when I check in. I may get a two-word response, or I may get no response. And, I have decided to be okay with that. The point of the check in is not to receive — ti’s to be present and to encourage someone else by letting them know that they are important to you. — I have a friend with young kids who I check in with weekly, but I don’t always hear back from her. However, when I do hear back from her, she always starts by saying, “Thanks for checking in. Those check ins are a life line for me right now.”
I will pray for God to give you wisdom as you figure this one out. I think the best thing is to go in with no expectations from the other person, but a strong commitment on your part to show up anyway. This has worked for me, and I have a lot of peace about it.
Hugs,
Lyli
Oooooh Lyli, another beautiful post. I so want to be a better friend. I feel I am sadly lacking in this area. I had the chance to meet Amanda last week and it truly was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time. My husband and I sat back one evening talking about the amazing week we had with her and her family. We loved every moment of it. We NEEDED this bonding time! It has been TOO long since we’ve spend quality time with a friend. We know we need major work in this area. Thank you for your post… I have saved it and look forward to being a better friend. Thank you for being my friend, I am blessed!
Martha,
You are an amazing friend. I am so thankful for your friendship — it’s one of the best things about the internet. — How awesome that you got to meet Amanda! Yay! Both of you have been such wonderful mentors to me, and that makes me smile. — I think our LGG groups are a bit of a check in space, and I love that part of our community. I wanted to create something like that with my friends here locally who are not Facebook people, and this video thing has really worked. However not all of my friends do a video in return — because they aren’t all extroverts like me. Ha! 🙂
Hugs,
Lyli
Lyli – thank you for encouraging us to reach out and touch others. Like Rosanna, I love the idea but don’t know exactly how to be that forward!!! I love what you said about reaching out and just touching others without expecting reciprocation. It is a busy world and we tend to get offended when it’s not necessary. Your example you shared is an encouragement that you are making a difference even if you don’t hear back from your friend. Last week I started writing in my dayplanner each day different friends that I can reach out to and bless. This is an encouragement to connect even more personally…. Thank you!
I think I might try this! My life has been utter chaos and friendships have definitely been put on the back burner. The great thing about having great friends is when they completely understand distance and welcome you back without missing a beat!