I was a terrible gift-giver. “Receiving” was not easy for me.

Birthdays and anniversaries would sneak up on me, and choosing gifts for my own family at Christmas time threw me into an anxious whirlwind.

I have a friend who is a natural gift giver. “How do you do it?” I asked. “I feel like a terrible person when I’m not sure what to get!”

She explained that she pays attention to cues and preferences throughout the year and makes a digital note next to that person’s contact information on her phone. Genius.

Her notes say things like: likes the color red…favorite candies are Kit Kats…loved chenille blanket we saw at Costco.

Then she asked me some interesting questions:

“Do you like to receive gifts? What sort of gifts are meaningful to you?”

I welcomed the question, but was also half-afraid that my honest answer would bum her out. (Giving gifts was clearly a source of joy in her life).

“I do like gifts, but I’d rather have a gift card so I can pick out what I want. I don’t need people to waste time trying to find something for me. I’m easy – just throw a gift card in an envelope and call it a day!” I thought I was removing a heavy burden.

“Hmm,” she wondered. “Do you really think it’s a waste of time for someone to find a gift for you?”

My stomach dropped. Did I really think that little of myself?

It was then I realized that I was uncomfortable receiving gifts. Somehow, I didn’t believe I was worthy of the time, effort, and energy someone would expend on me.

I was a terrible gift-giver because I was a terrible at receiving.

The ability to be a good gift giver does not only come from an attention to detail and premeditated thoughtfulness. It seems to come from the ability to see your own value and joy as a happy recipient.

This year, God refined me by making me a better receiver, and in turn, I became a better giver.

You see, I’m a natural helper. I love to help people work through problems and find practical solutions, which means that I am not the best at caring for myself. If you’re any type of caregiver, you know what it feels like to put other’s needs before your own.

Helpers tend to have a difficult time receiving, because we are so use to thinking of others. “I’m fine, I’m fine,” you might say, until you’re convinced that everyone else deserves to be taken care of better…than you.

I needed to change the way I valued myself, and learn to appreciate the effort others took on my behalf.

God gave us the greatest gift. Through His Son Jesus, He graciously pardoned us from a life without His love. We were lost, alone, and stuck in our sinful nature, in a messed-up world.

The baby in the Christmas nativity scene grew up to be a man and lived a life obedient to the Father, to walk the hardest road to a cross at Calvary. For you. For me.

If Jesus was looking for an easy and convenient way to give us salvation, He would not have chosen that cross. My sins sent Him there, but His love for me kept Him there.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8)

He gave of Himself, with you and me in mind. We were so valuable to Him, that He thought of us centuries before we were born.

He teaches us that our worth is not in what we do, but in what He has already done. It’s who He is: He is the Giver. We are the receivers of His blessing… just because, and it’s not about me… it’s about Him.

It is almost unfathomable to a natural do-er to be done-for. It’s a spotlight we tend to shy away from, because in some twisted way, we’ve come to interpret neediness as weakness.

Sister, let me remind you again today that your needs are not weaknesses. Expressing need is an open invitation that allows someone into the precious and vulnerable places of your life. It’s an invitation to see the real you, and that openness is a gift to others that they are not alone in their struggles.

Learning to receive well is about learning to accept who you are, Whose you are, why you are valuable, and why you were made to receive love from others and from God.

Give the gift of being a good receiver this season. Allow others to bless and help you, and in turn, you will bless them.

This Christmas season, see you are valuable and start receiving.

 

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Meet Jennifer:

Jennifer Bryant is the wife of a good man and mother of two precious kids. Her favorite things include reading, organizing, blogging, singing with her kids, laughing out loud with her husband, and making food for people. She lives in Honolulu, Hawaii and dreams of taking her family on marvelous adventures across the globe. In the meantime, she blogs about life and family at PracticalFamily.org, and encourages others to build practical skills for healthy communication, simple living, and discover their awesomeness.

Read more of Jenn’s posts: Podcast | Instagram | Pinterest | Facebook | Twitter

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The Refined Series

Fire refines. First God, breaks our pride into tiny pieces. Then, He melts away our impurities in a crucible of affliction. Every fleck of fleshy fluff rises to the surface and is removed until we reveal His image.

This year, I want to stop fearing the fire and pray:

Lord, refine me through the flame.

 

For 2018, I asked God to give me a word to guide my year, and He whispered the word  “Refine.”  For 10 months, Bruce and I have been walking through the fire and trying to not resist the refining work He is doing in us.

I am a very slow learner, and recently it occurred to me I should step aside and create more space to listen and learn during this season. I long to sit down for a heart-to-heart chat with a wise friend who will remind me the fire has a grander purpose. Thankfully, I am blessed to know several women who’ve walked through the fire and emerged beautifully refined, and I’ve invited them to share their story here with the Wildfire Faith Community once a month.

God has promised that the fire will not consume us, but transform us.

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 Sign up today as a member of the Wildfire Faith Community and  grab a copy of the Refined Manifesto our Faith Fuel Library.

 

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 If you are visiting from Jenn’s today,

welcome to my little space on the web!

Here you will find fuel for a wildfire faith to help you

• • LOVE DEEP: Fervently extend God’s kindness and grace to pesky people.
  • PRAY BIG: Go down fighting on your knees with fire in your bones.
  • HOPE FULL: Stay tethered to a confident anticipation that keeps your heart ablaze.
  • STAND STRONG: Rest courageously on God’s promises with red-hot resolve.

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SUBSCRIBE TO START RECEIVING WEEKLY FAITH FUEL IN YOUR INBOX.

YOU’LL GET A FREE COPY OF “4 SUREFIRE WAYS TO IGNITE YOUR FAITH”

and access the practical resources in the Fatih Fuel Library for members.

 

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To accept our value and start receiving, we must first sit at the feet of our Savior. To help you get started, I’m sharing a copy of My Pray Big Prayer Calendar with you. Join the Wildfire Faith Community and  grab a copy in our Faith Fuel Library. Print out your copy and start each morning inviting God to strengthen your step and breathe fresh wind into your weary spirit.  

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When we don’t know our value,  we are stuck in a cycle of defeat.

We live paralyzed by fear and stop receiving His love. 

I CAN PARTNER WITH YOU TO HELP YOU ACCEPT YOUR VALUE

AND CLARIFY THE CALLING GOD UNIQUELY CREATED YOU TO FULFILL.

CHECK OUT MY COACHING SERVICES TO START WORKING ON A PLAN TO

REFINE YOUR PASSION AND PURPOSE.