1 Simple Way to Make a Significant Difference in Your Marriage
At 41, I honestly did not think I would ever get married. Nearly a decade had passed since my last date. I chose to not worry about it though. If God wanted me to be a wife, then certainly he would send me a husband.
In early 2008, I partnered with two other singles at my church to start a small group. Our focus was to serve – each month we would put feet to our faith in our community. Our group leader gave me a ride to our first event – we would help organize the monthly clothing drive at our church’s homeless ministry The Refuge. On the way there, we chatted easily and laughed frequently. Was there a spark? “Lord, are you doing something here?” I thought.
At The Refuge, I ran into an old friend, Elizabeth. We had traveled together to Cuzco, Peru in 2004 as part of a team that distributed Evangelical literature in rural schools. At the time, we had both been single gals, but Elizabeth now wore a beautiful ring on her left hand.
“How is married life?” I asked Elizabeth. “So much has changed in your life.” Elizabeth smiled, and then she said the words that God wanted to engrave on my heart.
“Marriage is about serving my husband.” This was how Elizabeth’s spontaneous mini-sermon began. She expounded on all that she had learned as a newlywed, and I took it all in.
A few minutes later, the weekly service for the homeless began. We sat on folding chairs under a white tent in a parking lot. After some worship music, Pastor Jym invited us all to open our Bibles to Ephesians 5. He’d been preaching through the book, and his topic today was marriage. I am quite sure that my mouth must have fallen open. The Holy Spirit had my full attention.
Two days later, that nice group leader invited me to join him on what he called “an outing.” (Code word: Date) We exchanged vows a year later.
From the beginning, God’s message to me was clear. Marriage is not about me. Marriage is another way that I am called to bring glory to God, and my marching orders came on the pavement right there at the refuge: “Marriage is about serving my husband.”
Practical ways to serve and make a significant difference in your marriage
- Pray for your man daily
- Extend grace to your husband, rather than judgment (or nagging)
- Support your spouse’s efforts to support your family in whatever way he asks you to help out
- Love your hubby’s extended family and make them feel welcome in your home
- Encourage your partner through purposeful verbal affirmation
- Respect your love’s role as the God-appointed leader of your family
You may notice I started my bullet point list with prayer. One of the most important ways we serve our spouse is through daily getting on our knees to intercede on their behalf. Imagine what God might do in our marriage if you started your day for the next 7 mornings asking asking the Master Builder to help you build your home on a solid foundation of Truth.
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As we pray, God will build our homes strong and help us to stand securely on bedrock Truth. His Word will undergird our lives and shelter us in the midst of any storm.
As we purpose to serve our husbands, the Holy Spirit knits out hearts together and creates a sweet spirit of peace and harmony in our homes. Your marriage doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s — you can choose to rise above what the world says and walk differently. The secret sauce to a sacred union is finding ways to outdo one another in honor and humbly supporting your man through thick and thin.
I am so thankful that God placed Elizabeth in my path that day. Looking back now, I see how God wanted me to understand from day one that marriage was not about me. Jesus came to serve, and as His ambassador in my home, I am called to do the same.
Maybe you think this is easier said than done, but I want to encourage you to step out in obedience and serve your spouse as if you were serving God. You will soon see how your Heavenly Father begins to transform your heart and your home.
Make a significant difference in your marriage by serving your spouse.
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Here’s the best piece of marriage advice I received as a young wife:
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My brother and I had many talks about marriage before he passed away eight years ago. The one thing he drilled home to me about marriage is exactly what you said, marriage is about serving your spouse.
He said, two people – husband and wife must wake up daily with one question in mind: “How can I serve my spouse today?” Both of them must wake up with that question on their minds daily. If they do, they will have a great marriage. If they don’t, their marriage will suffer. Imagine the kind of marriage you can have when both people wake up and make their day about serving each other. Imagine that!
He continued, the root of every divorce is selfishness. Marriage is about service to each other; outdoing each other in service.” I never forgot those words.
Sadly, I don’t think many people including Christians know this when they walk down the aisle. If they did, they probably might not get married and the divorce rate wouldn’t be what it is and the picture of marriage wouldn’t be so glum.
In the last year I’ve learned this lesson like never before. As we age together opportunities for service only increase.
Lyli, this is both beautiful and practical. ????
Wow, Lyli, how amazing that God sent Elizabeth to give you that great word on the very day you met your husband (or when sparks started). That is so cool. And I love your bullet list. Great ideas, friend. I like the point about extending grace rather than nagging! Oh do I need to grow!
Great advice, and how neat the way the Lord brought it (and your husband!) to you. We tend to be so self-focused.
Your friend has some wise words! Love this reminder today. God is also reminding me to pray for my husband lately. Your post goes right along with that.
Ha! Our “code word” was friendship appointments. Yup. We were in denial.
I love it when you share snatches of your story and than WHAM: Truth!
Thanks for hosting!
Lots of good advice here, Lyli! But this one stands out to me as one we don’t stress enough. Thanks for including it: “Love your hubby’s extended family and make them feel welcome in your home.”
Yes, that is so important. We actually said Scriptural vows instead of the traditional ones, & I promised “your people will be my people” just like Ruth.
HI Lyli! Thanks for these practical tips on marriage. As a single woman it gives me a lot to think about for the future. I agree with your feelings, “If God wanted me to be a wife, then certainly he would send me a husband”. Until that time comes I’ll continue with what God has for me now knowing that His timing is always perfect. Blessings!
Funny how that is: we get married to show off Christ and that comes with some much needed refinement. At first, I thought Mark needed all the refining! HaHa! Learned better. I have a fun bookmark of Praying Scripture for your Spouse – i’ll email it to you. Great post. xx
Lyli, this advice would solve so many issues in marriage when we think our spouse isn’t meeting our needs. I love the story of God leading you to Bruce when you least expected it. So God!
Thank you for your words of wisdom and the reminder we need to start with a prayer for our husbands. I am embarrassed to admit I pray a lot but not nearly enough for my husband. Stopping and doing that right now. Blessings, Maree
What a great word, Lyli. If we all truly understood this, there would be much less divorce and pain in the world. You have inspired me to go the extra mile with my man today. laurensparks.net
Hi, I forwarded the info for the book “The Gift of Prophetic Encouragement” to my Facebook page. I’m currently reading Heaven and the Afterlife by Garlow & Wall.
Barby 🙂