How to Host a Pity Party
Photo Credit
I met my best friend at a Beth Moore Bible study in 1999. We were the only two Cuban chicks in the group. We both loved Jesus, chick flicks, and chocolate. Soon, we were spending hours on the phone trying to solve the world’s problems as we vented in Spanglish.
When you are true-blue friends, you tend to mimic each other’s vocabulary and finish each others sentences. Barby and I spoke the same fast-talk from day one, but there is one word that I’ve picked up from her.
My friend has the gift of mercy, so almost on a weekly basis, she will call me or text me with a prayer request for a wounded dog or hurting friend. She will spend several minutes empathizing with the pain of the suffering, and at some point, she will say one key word in Spanish.
Pobrecita.
Example: Please pray for my neighbor who broke her arm when she was painting the roof and fell off the ladder. Pobrecita, I feel so bad for her.
Pobrecita literally means “poor little thing.” When Barby says it, it’s a term of endearment and deep understanding.
Pobrecita is quite similar to the Southern girl’s “Bless her heart.” And, because I speak Spanglish and had a close friend from Macon, Georgia in college, sometimes I will use these two phrases in conjunction for double the emphasis.
Pobrecita. Pray for her. Bless her heart.
The problem is that unlike Barby, I do not always have the gift of mercy. Sometimes, I think I have the spiritual gift of complaining (Yes, I know that this is not actually a fruit of the Spirit. I am working on that.)
So, I like to think: “Pobrecita Me!”
This morning, my husband informed me that he was coming down with a cold, and I immediately morphed from peaceful wife to psychotic nagger.
My immediate thought: “Nooooo! Not again.” I know he only has the sniffles, but I let the worry monster gobble me up, and I immediately became imprisoned by despair. Instead of choosing to rest in Christ, I drove off to work with a wagging finger pointed at my husband.
I spent the entire day thinking about what I could do to make Bruce feel better — because I don’t want to see my husband struggling to just breathe again.
Pobrecita Me!
My Pobrecita Persona can really rob me of my joy if I let it sit in the driver’s seat of my heart.
Pobrecita Me loves to throw a good pity party.
How to Host a Pity Party
- Worry, Whine, and Wallow: Rehearse your problems, rather than God’s promises. Count your burdens, not your blessings.
- Fly Solo: Don’t ask anyone to pray for you. Stay away from church. Spend the weekend in bed under the covers.
- Nurse a Grudge: Refuse to forgive. Stay offended forever.
- Indulge Yourself: Don’t think about helping others or serving. Rather than extending your hand, eat a pint of ice cream while you sit on the couch.
Next time you want to host a pity party, roll up your shirt sleeves and get to work instead. Clean out your heart and cultivate 4 things:
- Gratitude: We are called to “give thanks in all circumstances” (I Thessalonians 5:18). Planting seeds of thankfulness transforms our perspective.
- Fellowship: Life is a team sport. On our own, we are prey for destruction. Hebrews 10 challenges us to “press in” during times of opposition: “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
- Forgiveness: Discord is a tool of the enemy to keep us bound in bitterness. Don’t fall for that trap. Paul encourages us to rise above offense: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony” (Colossians 3:12-14).
- Surrender: Life isn’t about “me.”Philippians 2:3-4 provides our marching orders: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
You are not a Pobrecita. You are a Prevailing Champion with God in your corner.
Something to think about…
Lyli, you had me with your first sentence of this post…I, too, met my best friend and prayer partner at the Beth Moore Bible study, “Breaking Free” in 1999. We traveled to Israel with 850 other ladies for the filming of Beth Moore’s “Jesus, the One and Only” in 2000, and we have been meeting for lunch and prayer weekly for these past 17 years! I love the wonderful way you help us see ourselves, so that now when I feel a pity party coming on, I will turn my eyes upon Jesus, praise Him, and call my sweet friend, Linda! Many blessings to you ❤️
Loved Breaking Free! I hope to get to Israel one day (& with Beth as my guide would be a bonus!) — give Linda a hug for me. Just got a text from Barby (who woke up to discover this blog post in her inbox).
Oh we are such pobrecitas. May we turn our eyes to Him in those times.
Thanks for the link-up Lyli.
Ay de mi! Probrecita! (Just kidding.) I love your pity party antidotes. It’s so true that fellowship can help us break out of that mindset.
Thanks for the truth. I’ve been having a pity party couple of days, although the I didn’t realize it until yesterday. Then I wake up to this inspiring message in my e-mail……… The enemies lies have gotten to me this week….
I loved this, Lyli! Sharing it all over this morning!!
I love the stuff I learn here in your writing home. Pobrecita is a new word to me, but certainly not a new concept! Thanks for showing us the way to break up our little pity parties!
Your four points–gratitude, forgiveness, fellowship and surrender–are tools that I want to keep in mind. When challenges come it is easy to slip into self pity, but God has a better way, a better plan.
Pobrecita! I have to remember that word.
What an encouraging post, I so needed to read this. Thank you so much for sharing and hosting!
Ay Dios Mio! So funny. I love this word, Lyli. I’m going to try to remember it. I loved this post. Aside from learning a new word, you had some great reminders on how to turn our pity party around. I also noticed that there was only one chair in the picture. And it is empty…so I guess you’re learning.
I love your honestly, Lyli, and how beautifully pressed together your words here are. I’m praising Him for answering prayers yesterday and will continue to lift Bruce in prayer today.
Great post, Lyli! Love this new word–it sounds pretty when I think of how it is pronounced and I love the connection to the “Bless Her Heart” phrase. I’ll try not to use it in reference to myself, though, as directed.
Joy!
Kathy
My grandmother had a phrase – she used to always say, “Oh, so and so has this trial, poor soul.” My mother uses the phrase, too. And I have been known to myself. But oh, I am a master at using it for myself. Today I am feeling a bit sorry for myself, been a real emotional and stressful week. And I’m tempted to throw a Pity Party. But, since the only one attending would be me and the enemy of my soul, I think I’ll throw an early *thanksgiving* party instead!!
GOD BLESS!
It’s so easy to turn inward and feed our propensity for self-pity. Thanks for the good tips!
love this! even tho I see myself as a pollyanna, i score high in poor me and now I’ll add the spanglish version ! Ha! I was just reviewing my talk on give thanks for MOPS and there was that poor me thing answered by a list of gratefuls. Right on, I wish I spoke spanish or even spanglish (great movie, btw)
blessings!
Good lists – I needed this earlier in the week – and I still need some tweaking to clean out this attitude! You are so right! I’m starting right now!!!! Shalom, Lyli!
~Maryleigh
Such a good post!
This is great! I threw a group pity party for my ladies in my Senior Independent Living group and we went around the table and shared briefly with each other. It was great to practice “not isolating ourselves”, and develop new relationships. I used black tableclothes and napkins and everyone wore pj’s, robes, and brought a blanket and had their own pint of ice cream. I was afraid it might not work, but I think it was a God thing! I gave them you tips for having a pity party and your tips for getting out of one! Great lesson! They also learned a new word of Spanglish! Some Oklahoma gals learning from some sweet girls from Cuba! We can all help each other!!!