Be a Peacemaker
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“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NKJV).
I turned around to face the sink as my husband brushed by me into the garage. I wanted to discuss when we would sit down for dinner, but he was busy working on a project. His curt response cut me to the quick.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll fend for myself this week,” he retorted as he disappeared back into his man cave.
The tears welled up in my heart as I thought about the load of groceries I’d just stuffed into the refrigerator. I’d spent several days menu planning, and now he was telling me he’d rather eat cereal alone.
My tears quickly turned to icy anger. We’d exchanged vows just four weeks earlier, and now I wondered if I’d made a mistake.
As I wrestled with my rollercoaster emotions, my oblivious groom stepped back inside to grab a piece of equipment. He saw me standing at the sink and nuzzled up in my ear. I felt completely suffocated. I wanted to throw the dirty dishes at him, but instead I responded by excusing myself to gain my composure.
Both my husband and I grew up in homes where the philosophy was “he who screams loudest wins.” Neither of us wanted to have a marriage established on selfish animosity, so we began studying the Scriptures to help us learn how to resolve conflict in a healthy manner.
In Chapter 5 of Song of Solomon, we find the lover and his bride at odds. He comes to the door, and she initially responds with indifference, rather than affection. His response is all grace. He doesn’t batter down the door and demand his way. He doesn’t insult her or point fingers.
“A gentle answer makes anger disappear.” Matthew Henry expounds on this sage advice by stating: “A right cause will be better pleaded with meekness than with passion.”
The child of God is called to extend God’s grace to others. Rather than react in the flesh, we are to turn to prayer and ask God for His strength and wisdom to respond in the Spirit. Rather than attack, we should affirm one another.
Don’t push back, choose to be a peacemaker.
Let’s Talk: If you are married, what advice would you offer to a friend facing conflict in her home?
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“Be a Peacemaker” was originally published at Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale’s Daily Devo and on You Version as part of the reading plan The Secret: How Do You See Love.
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I love this Lyli! You are a great storyteller! I think I have for sure done this before too.
If I could give one piece of advice about resolving conflict,….hmm I think it would have been what you said. My husband and I learned to either take a deep breath and go outside, go on a walk, or sleep on it depending on the time of day. He was actually the stuffer and I was the exploder (or maybe we were both at one point). Anyhow, he used to want to get away for a breather but I would walk behind declaring the need for us to resolve this now or it would get out of hand, but in fact what I was doing was causing my own demise. We have since learned almost 13 years later but it took almost every bit of that because we were both stubborn I guess. God bless you, friend!
Your neighbor @ #IntentionalTuesday~
Yes, be a Peacemaker. Easier said than done for me some days. But great advice for us all. I’ve chosen in such situations to put on love and live out Philippians 2:5-8… the example of divine love. I don’t ever do it perfectly, but it helps me focus on love and not on hurt or anger. I’ll probably never get it right this side of eternity, but what a difference God’s Words make in our lives. It’s a joy to follow you at Kelly’s this week. Bless you!
A great reminder. Glad I stopped by today. : )
I have had the role of peace maker for many years. The other verse I like is Do not go to bed angry. I am glad I read your blog today. Blessings Diana
I’m newly married (A year next week) and I’d say the first year has been both more difficult and wonderful than I could have imagined. When I get upset I like to walk away and just calmly ask my husband for a few minutes alone. It allows me to gain my composure and to remain a “peacemaker.”
Great wisdom here! When we have misunderstandings we take some time to gather our thoughts and then honestly share them. Sometimes it’s hard to admit what is going on in our heads but better than making assumptions and creating dialogues that are far from the truth.
I would always advise a friend to answer with kind words instead of anger, and somehow in the heat of the moment, I oftentimes forget about this same advice. I will look up Solomon 5 now, thank you so much for sharing.
I so needed to read this post today, what great encouragement.
Blessings,
Bibi
Lyli, I’ve been there and haven’t always given the soft answer I would have liked. But the thing that makes the difference for me is praying before I speak. Praying for God’s timing to share my heart and praying for the right words to speak that will bring unity.
Love this, Lyli! Yes, those moments are so important. Choosing peace has been a saving grace in our marriage. However, as in anything, there is balance. Sometimes I feel as though women choose to avoid healthy conflict by calling it peace. Excusing ourselves when we are angry and choosing to say nothing until we have composure is excellent. But some situations will need a follow-up and a calm peaceful conversation will need to take place. Honestly, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. The avoider until it mounts up and erupts! Ha! I feel like after 18 years together, we are finally getting this choosing peace in conflict thing right! (Most of the time 🙂 )
I’m always so encouraged here, Lyli! Thank you for being a part of the #MomentsofHope community! I can’t wait to share this post on my social media!
Responding in love instead of running away; peacemaking is HARD but worth every step. I’m so thankful that my daddy has always cultivated in us, a huge love for peace. He works hard at cultivating peace and sharing peace and striving for the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. I struggle to want to make peace; so I often just want to GET out of dodge; but the Lord has used my daddy to want to hunger after the peace of Christ.