Photo Credit: Michael Schwarzenberger, via Pixabay

A few months before my wedding, I dropped by an adorable little bridal shop to take a look around.  It was a week night, and business was slower than usual.  There was one employee in the shop, and she sat behind the counter with her nose in a book.  I found it interesting that she seemed entranced in its pages, but she was veiling the cover of the thick paperback with a magazine.  She obviously did not want anyone to know what she was reading.

When I got home, I looked up the title (because despite her clandestine efforts, I’d seen the cover and noted the title).  I read the description of the plot and knew immediately it was not my cup of tea.  I mean, I love a good page turner, and I am a romantic at heart, but this book sounded like a case study of a toxic and abusive relationship.

In a few weeks, I would be marrying the man of my dreams.  I was not about to let that type of warped fantasy into my head.

I hear that the books and upcoming movie are pretty popular, and I shake my head in disbelief.

I don’t know if you have a copy of 50 Shades on your nightstand, or if you are considering going to the movie, but as a friend, I want to share my heart with you and speak the truth in love.

50 Reasons to Refuse

1.  Intimidating men are narcissist bullies who don’t deserve your attention.

2.  Desperation to “get a man” will only lead you to heartbreak.  A man cannot satisfy your every longing.  A man will not take away your loneliness.

3.  Any man who wants you “on his own terms” is immature.  Healthy relationships are about mutual respect.

4.  True sexual intimacy is about sacrifice and sweet communion in a life-long covenant between you and your man.  Erotic flings don’t even compare.

5.  Anyone who wants to steal your innocence is an abuser.

6.  Men who are “tormented by demons” will torment you.

7.  People who are “consumed by the need to control”  need to be in therapy, not in a relationship.

8.  Strictly “physical affairs” will leave you empty emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

9.  Do you really want to be close to someone who keeps “dark secrets” all the time?  A good guy doesn’t have a scary closet full of skeletons and sinful strongholds.

10.  A good boyfriend should not be “damaged, driven, and demanding.”  He should be sanctified, surrendered and serving.

11.  Successful relationships are between two people — not you, him, and his angry and envious exes.

12.  No matter how “strong” you and your man are, you are not going to succeed in a relationship that is lead by the flesh, and not the spirit.  Obstacles are overcome by a three-cord strength that requires surrendering your relationship to God.

13.  Any man who says he is not a  “hearts and flowers kind of guy” probably lacks emotional sensitivity.  I can’t imagine he would be a kind-hearted love to you.

14.  Beware of man who seeks to isolate you and demand you keep shameful secrets.  That’s called abuse.

15.  Stalkers should be reported to the police, not invited into your home.

16.  Dangerous behavior leads to destruction, not happiness.

17.  A healthy relationship will help you to grow in freedom, not bondage.

18.  Demanding your own way in a relationship will only lead to dysfunction.

19.  Only toxic people don’t respect your boundaries.

20.  Rather than a boy whose main pursuit is defiling your body, you want a man whose number one priority is to pursue after God.

All right, so I am not going to go all the way to Fifty, but I could.  I could probably go way past 100.

Face the Facts:  Fantasy is NOT reality.  If you put this trash in your head, you are going to end up fifty shades of unhealthy.

Don’t be foolish.

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The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.  Proverbs 14:1

Want to read a good book?  Try this one:  * Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart by Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah K. Gresh.

I am sharing “50 Shades of Foolishness” with Faith-Filled Friday.